Saving Relationship - Relationship Roller Coaster |
Have you been riding the emotional roller coaster? Does your
partner turn his love on and off like a light switch? Does he
liberate you from a behavior then begin all over again?
Why does this happen? How do you remove yourself from this emotional
ride of your life?
A relationship crisis can be an extremely emotional situation,
which often is exacerbated by one of the partners entrapping
the other on an emotional roller coaster. Generally, this behavior
is inadvertent, and is caused by the very self limiting beliefs
that are at the root of the crisis. Fears and insecurities are
generated by these negative patterns, which results in a pattern
of self sabotaging behavior. However, some of their emotional,
relationship needs have been fulfilled, so they continue to cling
on to the self gratifying areas of the relationship. You see,on
one hand they cherish and love certain qualities of the relationship,
and on the other their own self limiting beliefs prevent them from
moving beyond that point! The following situations are some of
the common precursors to the emotional roller coaster;
Continuing an affair at their partner's expense with the premise
that they are getting all of their needs completely fulfilled
by two different partners!
Leading their partner on verbally, only to end the relationship
when their partner gets to close, or becomes to intimate.
Continuing to keep their partner at a distance as a result of
their fear of intimacy, only making an advance when their partner
threatens to end the relationship.
Controlling or manipulating their partner as a result of their
own fear of abandonment, but using love and affection as a tool
to draw their partner back when threatened with the loss of the relationship.
There are many different scenarios that can result in an emotional
roller coaster, although all of them will ultimately end in disaster
if left unchecked! Supporting and enabling such behavior can and
will result in the emotional ride of your life with no end in site!
You will not, I repeat you will not save your relationship by
allowing such behavior! Sometimes the best thing you can do in
a situation like this is just step back! Refer to Part V, Step I
of the Relationship Rehab E-System to draft your statement of
agreement, present it to your partner and step back! Send your
partner a subtle message that you are not going to tolerate that
behavior, and remove yourself from the roller coaster. Do not
feed their power play! In the event that your partner has been
unfaithful and has refused to cease his behavior, you will be
faced with a more difficult situation. In order to end the
infidelity roller coaster you will need to demonstrate to your
partner that continuing such behavior is unacceptable. However,
if your partner has continued with the affair for some time
with your adverse consent, it would be nearly impossible to
give him an ultimatum without ending the relationship. Therefore,
you will need to take a bit more of a subtle approach to end
this unfaithful roller coaster.
Best wishes,
David Roppo
Relationship Coach
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