Marriage and Money Problems |
Without question, money problems are at the root of a substantial number of marital crises. In fact, according to
most sources this issue ranks within the top 4 reasons for divorce - sharing the stage with the likes of infidelity,
communication and emotional abuse. And typically, the mainstream approach to overcoming this dilemma has been to
manage it on the surface with the following advice:
1. Agree on a budget
2. Set goals
3. Communicate
4. Open separate checking accounts
Now, I wouldn't dispute the possibility that these common sense recommendations could prove to be helpful when it
comes to couples fighting about money. However, none of them will amount to a hill of beans if you don't fix the root
of the problem! You see, most marital issues are merely a symptom of a much larger underlying problem. Take infidelity
for example. The reason most people cheat on their partner is the loss of an emotional connection caused by fears,
insecurities and low self-esteem. Another example would be lack of communication. People don't communicate with their
partner as a result of their critical, argumentative, smothering, clingy, needy or controlling behavior. Plain and
simple, they don't want to be around that behavior. Therefore, they withdrawal and the communication diminishes or
ceases altogether. Subsequently, money problems are no exception! Sure, when the wallet gets a bit lighter or there's
not enough money in the account to pay the bills because of a poor economy, the situation may be exacerbated or
inflamed. But, two partners that are well grounded and aren't struggling with fears and self-limiting beliefs will
usually work through those tough times. At the end of the day, if spending money matters in a relationship, perhaps
you're not spending enough emotional currency on the things that matter most. Are you struggling with fears and
insecurities? Do you feel jealous or do you feel like your losing control of your relationship when your partner
spends money on him or herself? Or, do you feel slighted because your partner doesn't spend enough time with you or
give you the attention you desire? Hence, you become angry when they spend money on themselves? Does your partner
attempt to control you and/or your relationship through financial means? Perhaps your partner has a fear of
abandonment or a fear of losing control. Bottom line, there's usually an underlying issue that causes most couples
to fight about money. However, there is one exception to the rule - compulsive shopping or addictive behavior. And,
that is another matter altogether.
In conclusion, if you want to eliminate the financial squabbles in your relationship, you must correct the underlying
fears and insecurities. To get rid of a bad emotional weed, don't just prune the leaves; pull it out by the root!
If you'd like to learn how to overcome fears and insecurities, eliminate money problems and save your relationship,
subscribe to my free e-guide top right.
Good luck and great love,
David Roppo
The Relationship Rehab Coach
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